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Signs of slippage
Feeling a bit low today, for some reason. Probably a combination of things giving me an attack of the mundanes - always a dangerous thing for me.
Last week wasn’t the easiest week, what with DH being post-operative (and not taking kindly to being incapacitated - he’s one of these people who always has to be doing stuff). So last week I was doing all the household chores (normally we split it fairly equally), looking after the kids, nursing and entertaining DH, holding down my job, and attending DS’s school curriculum evening on Tuesday night and my own class on Wednesday night. So that was quite a lot. But that’s fine, it needed doing and the circumstances were exceptional. Then on Thursday evening I went out to the pictures (carefully choosing the late showing so that I didn’t actually leave the house until DH was asleep in bed), and apparently that was wrong, so I’ve been getting little sideswipe complaints about it all weekend. I have come close to telling the love of my life to grow up and get over it. Which wouldn’t be nice of me, given that he is not well and is struggling to come to terms with his op etc at the moment. But honestly, I’m doing my best here!
Then this last weekend I seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time ferrying my children from one social or sporting engagement to another (the shape of things to come, I fear...). DH and I seemed to see very little of one another (despite the previous paragraph I do still enjoy his company!) - when he was up and about I was out being a taxi service, then when I came home he was so exhausted (poor love) that it was time for him to go and get some rest. And I used to have such a social life...
Then to cap it all, last night while ironing (a chore I hate) I watched a holiday programme on the TV. Now, I do know better than to do this, I really do, but... suffice to say it plunged me into the deep gloom of a woman with a significant birthday approaching and no holiday booked to sweeten the pill. I want to go somewhere, somewhere exotic and foreign and not here. I love to travel, just love it, and I mean more than just driving from Cambridge to Biggleswade every day. (And yes, dearest DH, oh ray of sunshine in my life, I know that people come from all over the world to visit our historic University city, but I’ve seen a bit too much of it lately and want to see somewhere else.)
OK, end of whinge. I have a nice house, lovely husband, adorable children, etc etc. I have nothing to complain about. It’s just that I get these days when everything seems just so flat, so hopelessly mundane... I’ve been depressed before, and know the signs of slippage that mean I have to do something or go under... the problem is, the further I slip, the more tempting doing something really stupid becomes...
Last week wasn’t the easiest week, what with DH being post-operative (and not taking kindly to being incapacitated - he’s one of these people who always has to be doing stuff). So last week I was doing all the household chores (normally we split it fairly equally), looking after the kids, nursing and entertaining DH, holding down my job, and attending DS’s school curriculum evening on Tuesday night and my own class on Wednesday night. So that was quite a lot. But that’s fine, it needed doing and the circumstances were exceptional. Then on Thursday evening I went out to the pictures (carefully choosing the late showing so that I didn’t actually leave the house until DH was asleep in bed), and apparently that was wrong, so I’ve been getting little sideswipe complaints about it all weekend. I have come close to telling the love of my life to grow up and get over it. Which wouldn’t be nice of me, given that he is not well and is struggling to come to terms with his op etc at the moment. But honestly, I’m doing my best here!
Then this last weekend I seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time ferrying my children from one social or sporting engagement to another (the shape of things to come, I fear...). DH and I seemed to see very little of one another (despite the previous paragraph I do still enjoy his company!) - when he was up and about I was out being a taxi service, then when I came home he was so exhausted (poor love) that it was time for him to go and get some rest. And I used to have such a social life...
Then to cap it all, last night while ironing (a chore I hate) I watched a holiday programme on the TV. Now, I do know better than to do this, I really do, but... suffice to say it plunged me into the deep gloom of a woman with a significant birthday approaching and no holiday booked to sweeten the pill. I want to go somewhere, somewhere exotic and foreign and not here. I love to travel, just love it, and I mean more than just driving from Cambridge to Biggleswade every day. (And yes, dearest DH, oh ray of sunshine in my life, I know that people come from all over the world to visit our historic University city, but I’ve seen a bit too much of it lately and want to see somewhere else.)
OK, end of whinge. I have a nice house, lovely husband, adorable children, etc etc. I have nothing to complain about. It’s just that I get these days when everything seems just so flat, so hopelessly mundane... I’ve been depressed before, and know the signs of slippage that mean I have to do something or go under... the problem is, the further I slip, the more tempting doing something really stupid becomes...
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I've always had bouts of wanderlust, all my life -- I've always loved travelling, and before I had Mr. Wee, I went somewhere every year. I've been to Tahiti, Rome, lived in the UK for a while, and visited many more times. I've been all over the eastern US. And still I want to go, to get up and go somewhere different and, like you said, not here. Right now, I'm looking forward to my upcoming business trip to Seattle (on the West Coast) and hoping that will settle my itch for travel some, since chances are we won't get to do much of it while the baby is tiny.
I feel your pain! If only your family and mine could switch homes for a week or something, we'd all be happy. :)
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And then I got the long weekend off to go backpacking. It was the best thing that's happened to me in YEARS. Up to and including certain films about Hobbits and Pirates and such.
I urge you to get the same for yourself, dear. Which significant birthday are *you* approaching, if I may be so bold? My 39th is this december, and I too have been noting the passage of time, here.
the further I slip, the more tempting doing something really stupid becomes... I know exactly what you mean here. At least, I think I do.
I'm a rather closeted slasher, pagan and whatnot, so a ton of my posts are locked. *friends you* You seem like someone I'd enjoy having on my friendspage, but now you can see most of the dark underbelly of my struggles these past few months. No hard feelings if you don't find me someone you'd like to friend back. :-)
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