Way to feel inadequate

[azziria]

God, I wish I could write long, plotty stories... all these people signing up to write 40k epics, makes me feel a bit useless sometimes... :(

Comments

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

have you ever tried writing with someone? If it's a good fit, it makes things SO EASY.

And it's not because you don't write super long stories that you're useless. I love reading well-written shorts, because they pack such a punch, too.

[azziria.livejournal.com]

I know, I'm just having a momentary crisis of confidence here... I'll stop feeling sorry for myself in a minute and normal service will be resumed.

Except for one brief project back in my POTC days ( which actually worked very well, I have to say) I've always written alone. That's partly because it's hard for me to schedule in regular writing time, and partly because my brain flits around too much (although I can see that working with another writer might have a positive effect on the latter.

I suspect I've been a lone wolf too long, and am too much of a control freak...

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

I don't have the most regular schedule either but when there's a will, there's a way, right? I understand the control freak, though. It's really a personal thing - I love writing with someone but I can see why it's not to everybody's taste.

[somehowunbroken]

I love what you write :)

And there is absolutely no promise that my 40k story will have any semblance of a plot. It... could be 40k worth of sex scenes strung together with bickering. I'm not entirely sure yet.

[azziria.livejournal.com]

For the record, I will happily read 40k of sex scenes strung together with bickering :)

I'm just having a confidence wobble, really (a not uncommon state of affairs). I love writing my stories, and I'm generally very happy with how they turn out, I just sometimes wish I could do *more*. Some people seem to turn out reams of text effortlessly, whereas I apparently have to polish every single sentence almost obsessively to make it count.

Oh well, leopards and spots and all that. I should just be happy that I'm able to write stuff that people seem to like, and that I like myself.

[fatorangekat.livejournal.com]

LOL- I wish I wrote the quicker, shorter, sharper ones like you write. Because it takes me so damn long to write my longer ones.

I meant to add, what you and powrhug write, to me, is stunning. You don't waste word count and your material is amazing. Seriously.

[azziria.livejournal.com]

*blushes*

Thank you. I struggle with the whole 'not quite good enough' thing in a lot of areas of my life, and although I'm far better about it than I used to be, it still rears its ugly head from time to time. A couple of very fine writers on my flist have posted or are about to post long pieces, and then this morning I read about how many people have signed up for the Big Bang thing, and I kind of had a wobble.

Of course sometimes you don't *want* to read long plotty things, you haven't time, you need a quick(ish) fix. So there is of course a place for everything.

[fatorangekat.livejournal.com]

Seriously, I envy your short sharp style, believe me. It was part of the reason I almost didn't post what I have because I feel yours and powrhug's and some other's are so outstanding.

So I totally understand 'not quite good enough'.

And with your shorter ones, you have all these awesome fics out there and someone like me has only a few and an epic that's taking me way too long to write because I don't have the time to put into it I wish I had.

I looked at the Big Bang too and knew I couldn't do it. So I'm in the same boat more or less. And I thought of signing up to do a musicvid for it and then decided against that too as I've been playing around with one for 6 weeks plus and it's nowhere near done.

Just understand you are one of the more incredibly writers in this fandom and I don't say that lightly. There is a lot of longer, badly written material out there. You are one of the few I look forward to seeing post a new one.

[lj_stowaway]

"God, I wish I could write long, plotty stories..."

... in addition to being purely brilliant at short-form fic, or instead of? *g*

[azziria.livejournal.com]

I know, I know, this is me doing the whole 'I got 90% in the test so I'm going to obsess about the 10% I missed' thing again, totally ridiculous... and I can see it's ridiculous, but I don't seem to be able to help it, so I come here to have people talk sense into me :)

[wickedtruth.livejournal.com]

If it helps at all, I have no idea whatsoever for a plot that will stretch to 40k words and not bore people to death (or worse)... *panics quietly*

I wouldn't worry about it hon. Sometimes shorter stuff is more powerful and hits harder than a lengthy story. Your stuff is awesome and you have no reason to feel inadequate at all. <3

[azziria.livejournal.com]

I know... but you know how this goes, don't you? *sigh*

It's a curse, I'm sure. Maybe all writers are basically insecure?

[wickedtruth.livejournal.com]

I do, I really, really do. *hugs*

I didn't think I could write that much the first time I signed up, but I did. And really, you've written at least two series of fics in H5-0. A BB length fic is really just a series of shorter, connected fics strung together, if it helps to think of it that way. :)

[kare.livejournal.com]

I only wish I could write fic as long as yours! =D

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is of course all relative!

I'm just having a wobble, is all, it happens...

[kare.livejournal.com]

happens to me a LOT! That's why I feel ok joking with you about it. I know it will pass.

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

Your work is so powerful and I love the way you create the series that show such insight into the characters. You are always must read for me and I've been known to reread your work whenever I can't find new fic. A fic doesn't have to be long to be good and too many are just wordy and meandering.

Longfic isn't my natural inclination either so I'm terrifying myself over here. I mean I barely managed 20k and am so pleased I succeeded and then I turn around and sign up for 40k. I am reserving the right to have 5k plot 35k porn myself. *cowers in a corner*

But I also have no doubt that if you had the time and set your mind to it, you could write an amazing longfic. There's no reason for you to think you have to though.

[azziria.livejournal.com]

5k plot and 35k porn sounds like a perfectly reasonable split to me :)

And thanks, hon - I've been having a bit of an inadequacy wobble on a number of fronts today, and while intellectually I know it's silly, on a gut feeling level it can be hard to shake.

[redfish-123.livejournal.com]

We all go thru the that phase of...I wish...However, that is a process where by which we should focus on our strengths and forget about our weakness. yes, those wishes challenge us but why not accept the challenge within our strengths?

[alamo-girl80.livejournal.com]

Fic inadequacies, especially in the H50 fandom? Yeah. I got 'em.

You are wonderful though. Wanting to do long plotty stories and actually doing them and doing them WELL, those are two different things.

*stares at fiv0bang idea and weeps*

[azziria.livejournal.com]

I knew you'd understand :)

But have faith in your five0bang, you can do it!

I was actually feeling slightly disheartened about writing at all, but I sat down and wrote 500 or so words of the next Fair Trade piece at lunchtime so now I feel a bit better.

[alamo-girl80.livejournal.com]

I was actually feeling slightly disheartened about writing at all, but I sat down and wrote 500 or so words of the next Fair Trade piece at lunchtime so now I feel a bit better.

YAY! You are so much more proactive than I. I was rereading one of my old stories online, and then fell asleep in my office chair after lunch. Go me. ;-)

[azziria.livejournal.com]

"I was rereading one of my old stories online, and then fell asleep in my office chair after lunch."

I believe that's called power napping... ;)

[stellarmeadow.livejournal.com]

But you can say more in 500 words than some people can in 50,000, so why would you want to change that?

Look at it this way--The National Inquirer puts out how many pieces of paper with words on it a month vs, say, The New Yorker? Quantity doesn't always equal quality.

Not to say that there aren't some absolutely fabulous long fics out there, but there are also some that really could've been edited by 10-15K.

Words are weapons; wield them carefully, don't just throw them all over the place.

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just expressing my frustration, but it does help to hear from all my cheerleaders here! I just have these crises of confidence from time to time :(

[stellarmeadow.livejournal.com]

I think we all get those. And it didn't come across as fishing for compliments at all, but it is true, you can say more with 500 words than some can with 50,000. It's a talent I envy! :)

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

You can write more and do it better in 2,500 words than most people who write those 40k stories, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. You're exceptionally talented and in all honesty, yes, I would pay to read a 40k epic written by you because I trust your writing and I love long stories--it'd be like an early Xmas gift for me. That said, your short fics are always satisfying and interesting to read, which is not something I can say for most writers that do short pieces. It's also a reason I hate drabbles. They usually don't say anything in those wee pieces, but you speak volumes with yours. It's a mark of a good writer in my opinion.

I can also say that the idea of writing 40k is the most daunting part; actually doing it is not so hard once you make up your mind to give it a go. Then... yanno... 77k later you're going, "How did that happen?" It's--for me--about pacing yourself with the long pieces. If you can write 2k (just an example) a day, eventually that adds up and it happens quicker than you'd think. Hell, even doing 50 or 600 words a day will eventually add up and the next thing you know, you've got a novel length fic on your hands. I floored myself with the first one I wrote and it's my favorite story still because I did that, if that makes any sense. I don't do BBs or anything because I flitter around, too and I couldn't meet the deadlines on time, so there I'd be, all put out and calling myself a failure, etc. My overachieving secret identity couldn't deal with it. *sigh*

I wrote with someone for years as well as doing my own independent projects and she hers and it's true: you have to be a good fit. But sometimes the little arguments that pop up can turn into good discussions that help you both move along. Of course, I think I may've just defined "collaboration" in my own way. Right.

And there's my 2 & 3/4 cents on the topic. Hope you feel better and don't let that stuff get you down, your writing is awesome just the way it is. *g*

[azziria.livejournal.com]

*g* Thanks, hon.

I didn't mean to whinge, and I wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just having One Of Those Days, but it's lovely to read the nice things people have said (although I'm fighting hard to accept the compliments gracefully and ignore my very British inclination to be embarrassed by them!).

I'm not sure whether I'm more frustrated by the fact that I feel I don't have the *time* to get the focus to write a long story (one day I'll go away for a weekend all alone and just *write*), or if it's that I'm very aware that almost every single piece I write, however short, is actually part of a much longer story in my head - it's so often as though I'm writing scenes from the longer piece. Which is probably why I end up writing series of things - they start out as a scene and then grow, because there was more in my head all along.

I couldn't do challenges or BBs either, because I have to write what I need to write at any given time. Which is why I have so many WIPs (I'm still chipping away at the mpreg stories, which will surface one day, probably when I've finished with hookers...).

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I was just having a bit of a confidence wobble there (it happens, sadly, as you obviously understand!).